Posted by Michael Dickens on June 3, 2010
Normally these satirical arguments are funny but not very persuasive. These arguments, however, very pointedly address the flaws in most of the arguments against gay marriage. But perhaps I’m taking it a little too seriously. I’ll just let you read the list.
01) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
02) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
03) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
04) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
05) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
06) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.
07) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
08) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.
09) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
Re-post this if you believe love makes a marriage.
Posted in Humor, Politics | 2 Comments »
Posted by Michael Dickens on April 1, 2010
Posted in Humor | 3 Comments »
Posted by Michael Dickens on March 11, 2010
When boys get in fights, it’s called immature. When men get in fights, it’s called war.
Posted in Ethics, Humor | 4 Comments »
Posted by Michael Dickens on January 18, 2010
Does everything come in threes? Is three the best number for a set of items? In fact, this is an elaborate illusion that has been perpetrated by our perspective on the world.
Look at it this way. First of all, sets of fewer items tend to be more common. And when we see a set of one item, we don’t really think of it as a set. It’s just one item. Sets of two items don’t really count either: it’s just one thing or the other, on or off, true or false. So a set of three items is really the smallest possible set that we think of as a set, and is therefore the most likely to show up.
Posted in Humor, Off-Topic | 1 Comment »
Posted by Michael Dickens on November 30, 2009
If one were to express one’s feelings about the quality, shape, and – to be blunt – size of the area of anatomy belonging to those of the fairer sex, an area that I will forthwith call to question, and if that aforementioned “one” were indeed myself, then I would have to hastily bring it to any curious party’s attention that this desired area of discussion, the hindquarters to speak it quickly, could – and yes should – be likened closer to a giraffe than a lap dog, closer to a behemoth than a deer tick. On this matter, no utterance of falsehood shall ever pass my lips.
The division headings were added at a much later date by unknown persons collecting the disparate texts into one. Most likely, this wasn’t the first one of its kind written. We keep the headers here for separation of sections and unity of the pieces together.
If you call yourself my brethren, then, my kin, you as well as I realize that it your duty as honest gentlemen to come forth and pledge your oath on this wise; furthermore, recognizing that should a kind woman bearing this excess of flesh traverse your threshold (all the more so if the waistline is so tiny as to be out of proportion to the subject matter of this parley), and if it should by chance happen that your eyes, nose, mouth, cheeks – indeed, any speck that may lie between pate and neck – should come near the circular orb, then, my mother’s sons, you recognize that the blood in your veins would course in such a way as to allow for the procreative acts to be carried out in any right time as you see fit, for your manhood would be as a farmer’s crop rising to meet the brightness and roundness of the orange sun.
Give up? The answer!
Posted in Humor | 1 Comment »
Posted by Michael Dickens on November 18, 2009
Posted in Creationism, Gaming, Humor | 3 Comments »
Posted by Michael Dickens on November 17, 2009
After wasting an hour reading Abstruse Goose, I have come to the conclusion that no webcomic is worth reading unless you have to look something up at least once every twenty strips.
Posted in Humor | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Michael Dickens on November 17, 2009
Posted in Humor, Math | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Michael Dickens on October 25, 2009
From this delicious Stack Overflow thread.
Top 10 things likely to be overheard from a Klingon Programmer
1. Specifications are for the weak and timid!
2. You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!
3. Indentation? I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!
4. What is this talk of release? Klingons do not release software. Our software escapes leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake.
5. Klingon function calls do not have parameters – they have arguments – and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.
6. Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak.
7. A True Klingon Warrior does not comment on his code!
8. Klingon software does not have BUGS. It has FEATURES, and those features are too sophisticated for a Romulan pig like you to understand.
9. You cannot truly appreciate Dilbert unless you’ve read it in the original Klingon.
10. Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!
Posted in Computer Science, Humor, Math, Programming | 1 Comment »