Philosophical Multicore

Sometimes controversial, sometimes fallacious, sometimes thought-provoking, and always fun.

Top 10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage Should Be Illegal

Posted by Michael Dickens on June 3, 2010

Normally these satirical arguments are funny but not very persuasive. These arguments, however, very pointedly address the flaws in most of the arguments against gay marriage. But perhaps I’m taking it a little too seriously. I’ll just let you read the list.

01) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

02) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

03) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

04) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

05) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

06) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.

07) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

08) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.

09) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

Re-post this if you believe love makes a marriage.
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2 Responses to “Top 10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage Should Be Illegal”

  1. Matt Helm said

    See this is the problem with so many people trying to make gay marriage legal. Just because it’s obvious to you why it should be okay doesn’t mean it’s obvious to everyone, and making them feel stupid about it isn’t going to get them on your side. Why expect them to take you seriously if you can’t take them seriously?

  2. Jamie Stewart said

    This is total crap! I have a girlfriend who I’m in love with and go ahead and judge as you wish but I wouldn’t judge you for someone you’re dating. Think about what you say because her and I will fight to be together no matter how many people like you we come across.

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