Guess what song this is!
Posted by Michael Dickens on November 30, 2009
If one were to express one’s feelings about the quality, shape, and – to be blunt – size of the area of anatomy belonging to those of the fairer sex, an area that I will forthwith call to question, and if that aforementioned “one” were indeed myself, then I would have to hastily bring it to any curious party’s attention that this desired area of discussion, the hindquarters to speak it quickly, could – and yes should – be likened closer to a giraffe than a lap dog, closer to a behemoth than a deer tick. On this matter, no utterance of falsehood shall ever pass my lips.
The division headings were added at a much later date by unknown persons collecting the disparate texts into one. Most likely, this wasn’t the first one of its kind written. We keep the headers here for separation of sections and unity of the pieces together.
If you call yourself my brethren, then, my kin, you as well as I realize that it your duty as honest gentlemen to come forth and pledge your oath on this wise; furthermore, recognizing that should a kind woman bearing this excess of flesh traverse your threshold (all the more so if the waistline is so tiny as to be out of proportion to the subject matter of this parley), and if it should by chance happen that your eyes, nose, mouth, cheeks – indeed, any speck that may lie between pate and neck – should come near the circular orb, then, my mother’s sons, you recognize that the blood in your veins would course in such a way as to allow for the procreative acts to be carried out in any right time as you see fit, for your manhood would be as a farmer’s crop rising to meet the brightness and roundness of the orange sun.
Give up? The answer!