Philosophical Multicore

Sometimes controversial, sometimes fallacious, sometimes thought-provoking, and always fun.

RE: 10 Commandments According to Obama

Posted by Michael Dickens on September 3, 2009

I. Thou shalt have no God in America, except for me. For we are no longer a Christian nation and, after all, I am the chosen One. (And like God, I do not have a birth certificate.)

Because if it’s not Christianity, it’s evil. You are either with us or against us. (And I thought we dealt with this birth certificate thing already.)

II. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, unless it is my face carved on Mt. Rushmore.

The whole “no graven image” thing was stupid in the first place. I’m sure that any president would aspire to be on Mount Rushmore. And look at their source. It’s a casual remark. Seriously, you’re grasping at straws here.

Thou shalt not utter my middle name in vain (or in public). Only I can say Barack Hussein Obama.

Either we should stop saying it altogether (because it is being horribly misused), or we should say it so much that it no longer means anything — not like it ever did in the first place.

Remember tax day, April 15th, to keep it holy.

Are you seriously saying that we shouldn’t pay taxes? Isn’t that a little *gasp* unpatriotic of you?!

Honour thy father and thy mother until they are too old and sick to care for. They will cost our public-funded health-care system too much money.

That’s where private healthcare comes in. It still exists, you know. But either way, it’s coming out of YOUR pocket. Yes, yours. Either you get taxed to make up the difference, or the insurance company charges you more. So why is it so much worse whether it’s the dang guv’ment or those Americanizin’ corporations?

Thou shalt not kill, unless you have an unwanted, unborn baby. For it would be an abomination to punish your daughter with a baby.

Ugh. It is difficult to respond to this in an amusing way, so I will respond to it in an honest way. If the being cannot think or feel, it is not murder. Go read one of my myriad posts on the subject.

Thou shalt not commit adultery if you are conservative or a Republican. Liberals and Democrats are hereby forgiven for all of their infidelity and immorality, but the careers of conservatives will be forever destroyed.

Oh, that one’s just mean of Obama. I mean, there are all these clearly intelligent Conservatives out there. Like Human Events. And yet, Obama doesn’t like them? Oh gee! I wonder why!

Oh wait, look at the source. Apparently “[a] conservative media watchdog says the mainstream media has once again demonstrated its bias” by giving so much coverage to the infidelity of Governor Mark Sanford. Other than the fact that it was a CONSERVATIVE watchdog who said this editorial statement, there’s the fact that Obama didn’t actually have anything to do with this. And then there’s this quote: “the same people who are all making an enormous, big deal out of Mark Sanford thought that there was absolutely nothing wrong with what Bill Clinton did.” Really? I think plenty of people found a lot wrong with what Bill Clinton did.

Thou shalt not steal, until you’ve been elected to public office. Only then is it acceptable to take money from hard-working, successful citizens and give it to those who do not work, illegal immigrants, or those who do not have the motivation to better their own lives.

You get to live in society. You get roads and buildings and law enforcement. So you have to pay taxes. Deal with it and stop being such a whiny baby.

Thou shalt not discriminate against thy neighbor unless they are conservative, Caucasian, or Christian.

I’m pretty sure that Obama is actually Christian. Of course, you would think he’s Muslim, wouldn’t you? Because you are in that stupid 10% of the population.

Thou shalt not covet because it is simply unnecessary. I will place such a heavy tax burden on those that have achieved the American Dream that, by the end of my term as President, nobody will have any wealth or material goods left for you to covet.

Yep. Pull the American Dream into it. Appeal to patriotism FTW! But seriously. Obama is not going to make wealth just disappear. Still, you have to applaud the brilliance of this. It is saying, look at all you have achieved! You worked so hard, even though you probably didn’t and you actually just coasted through college on your parents’ money and then got a job at your uncle’s business! And now Obama wants to take away all of those well-earned riches! He must be stopped! America! Patriotism! Iraq! 9-11! Are you scared yet?


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