Philosophical Multicore

Sometimes controversial, sometimes fallacious, sometimes thought-provoking, and always fun.

Transformers 2: Plot Holes Filled

Posted by Michael Dickens on July 25, 2009

From Philosophy Peter‘s blog, I found this article about the 10 most confusing things in ‘Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen’. I will now very unscientifically explain all of the plot holes that are brought up. Warning: spoilers ahead.

And yes, this is one of those “stupid” posts.

1. In “Transformers,” there was this giant battle in the middle of downtown Los Angeles — excuse me, Mission City — that was witnessed by thousands of people at the very least. But somehow the government was able to cover up the whole thing, and now the existence of alien robots is just an internet rumor? How did they do it? Pay off everyone who was there and quickly fix millions of dollars in damage? Also, didn’t Keller (Jon Voight) go on TV and tell everyone we were being attacked by “a technological civilization far superior to our own”? How did they spin that?

As seen in “Transformers”, the Autobots have top-secret technology. It is only possible that they also have mind-wiping devices and that they can repair buildings very quickly. As for the TV thing, Keller’s excuse is that he was using live television television as the quickest means to send a coded message to all government personnel, “a technological civilization far superior to our own” obviously being code for “terrorists”.

2. There are two pieces of the Allspark cube left: the military has one under lock and key, and Sam discovers another. The Decepticons steal one and bring Megatron back to life. But when Sam (Shia LaBeouf) wants to bring back Optimus, he has to find the Matrix of Leadership on the other side of the globe. Why not use the other piece? Mikaela (Megan Fox) has it in her backpack the whole time. It brought his kitchen appliances to life, why can’t it do the same for Optimus?

Megatron was just frozen. But Optimus had sustained heavy damage. More importantly, every piece of machinery has a special aura that allows it to come alive. Not even Optimus knows about this, though: only Megatron and a select few others know of it. Megatron was able to destroy Optimus’s aura, requiring the Matrix to revive him.

3. Speaking of Megatron’s rebirth, when the Decepticons venture deep into the ocean to revive him, the Navy crew tracking them reads five contacts. When they get down there, they tear apart one of the robots for parts to rebuild Megatron. Then as they rise to the surface, the same Navy guys say they spot six contacts. The little “Doctor” robot popped out down there, but he’s about a third of the size of a person. Would he have shown up on sonar?

Yes he would. And as everyone knows, the Navy (and the entire U.S. government) is incompetent. Actually, the older and more authoritative you are, the less competent. This is why kids who have spent just two days in college are the most capable when it comes to defeating giant robots.

4. That reminds me: even if I were to forgive the Doctor’s German accent — and director Michael Bay is asking me to forgive a lot of ridiculous accents — why would a robot need glasses? He has little lenses that flip in front of his mechanical eyes. Couldn’t he just get his eyes adjusted? You’d think with all the laser guns, someone could perform a Lasik procedure.

His glasses serve special sensory purposes that cannot be replicated by normal eyes.

5. Apparently, Transformers can look like people now. How? And how is it that even though the robo-girl (Isabel Lucas) is made of metal, she can still straddle Sam without crushing him. And if Bumblebee knows something’s wrong with her, why does he spit antifreeze at her instead of telling Sam? Yes, his voicebox is broken, but wasn’t it fixed at the end of the last movie?

She’s partially hollow, obviously. And Bumblebee has no reason to report baseless intuitions. And it was CLEARLY established that Bumblebee’s voicebox broke again.

6. The Fallen is the last of the Primes, since they all sacrificed themselves to stop him from destroying the sun. But then he says that Optimus is a descendant of the Primes. First, Transformers have kids? And second, how could he descend from them if they were all dead? And if the Fallen could only be destroyed by a Prime, why didn’t the originals just gang up on him back in the day? And what makes Optimus so special, anyway? Megatron beat him earlier, but all it takes is a few spare parts from creaky old Jetfire for him to take out the Fallen?

They have kids in a different sense. They use their own sparks to create new transformers. And second, they had kids BEFORE they were dead! My great-great-grandmother is dead, and yet she has descendants. And the Fallen couldn’t be destroyed at the time because he had armies and stuff to back him up. And Jetfire is not just a few spare parts, he is an SR-71 Blackbird reconnaissance aircraft with mach 3.3 capabilities.

7. Sam, Mikaela, and Simmons (John Turturro) go to the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum in Washington D.C. to find Jetfire. Then they walk out the back onto a wide open field with old planes and mountains in the distance. When did the National Mall start to look so much like to Tucson, AZ (where they really filmed that scene)?

Since now. Seriously, get your facts straight.

8. The geography is just as bad when they go to Egypt. The stone city of Petra in Jordan is over 250 miles away, over mountainous terrain, with few paved roads and the Israeli border between them, so how can they drive from one to the other in a couple of hours. And the Pyramids are said to be shooting distance from the Mediterranean, but they are actually well over 80 miles inland. Even if the Navy ship had a secret rail gun, and even if the captain would take an order to fire from a former agent of a government branch that no longer exists (over a walkie-talkie that inexplicably starts working again), how could it hit a moving target from that distance.

They have a robot car. Those things are fast. And 80 miles is shooting distance if you have a railgun. He could hit a moving target from that distance because RAILGUNS ARE FREAKING BADASS. They use Lorentz force.

9. Sam briefly dies and goes to Robot Heaven. Robot Heaven?!?!

I don’t get what’s so hard about this concept. God created robots in his own image.

10. Where does Sam’s bandage come from? What about his extra sock? Why does Sam’s roommate not contribute anything at all? What was the Fallen doing for those thousands of years Megatron was frozen in ice? How does one satellite receive transmissions from everywhere on the planet? Why does Wheelie hump Mikaela’s leg? Why do we have to see John Turturro’s thong? Why are robots who join together to become Devastator also seen fighting the Army at the same time? Why does the government want only our military fighting Decepticons when our weapons seem unable to make so much as a dent on any of them? Why did the ancient Egyptians build a pyramid around the sun-destroying machines instead of just breaking it? Why is the Matrix of Leadership bigger in the Fallen’s hand than in Sam’s? And how do Mikaela’s pants stay so clean?

People keep bandages. He had a sock in his backpack. Not every person in life has a purpose. The Fallen was sitting around because he’s lazy and incompetent and needs Megatron to do everything for him. The satellite hooks up to other ones around the world in geosynchronous orbit. Wheelie did it to get everybody’s attention. We didn’t have to see his thong, but we saw it, so grow up. They have twins. As I said, the government is incompetent; not only that, but they are self-centered and jealous. The sun-destroying machines could not be broken at the time due to specialized circumstances. The Matrix changes size based on the individual who possesses it. Mikaela’s pants have robotic dirt-repellant technology.

This movie has no plot holes and no contradictions. It is a work of pure genius.

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