Philosophical Multicore

Sometimes controversial, sometimes fallacious, sometimes thought-provoking, and always fun.

The Big List of Made-Up Statistics

Posted by Michael Dickens on April 16, 2007

I enjoy making up random statistics. Sometimes they sound plausible. Sometimes they don’t. Here’s a list of the ones I can think of right now (I will add more as I make them up).

40% of all American minors would like the taste of broccoli if they would just try it.
75% of all people in the world have eaten a worm at some point in their lives.
50% of these statistics are in fact true. This is not one of them.
You type the letter “g” 44% slower than the fastest-typed letter, “a”.
On average over the last 200 years, there have been 8% more births on Mother’s Day than the average daily number of births.
25% more presents are bought on Mother’s Day than on Christmas.
92% of all Christians pronounce Hannukah wrong (the “H” is pronounced kinda like “ch”, as though you are clearing your throat). 72% of all Jews also pronounce it wrong.
86% of the people in the Barrens now hate Chuck Norris.
0.038% of everyone who looks at this blog realizes that not even enough people look at this blog for that statistic to be correct.
30% of people believe this statistic.
Frogs are not that stupid: only 2% of frogs believe this statistic.

If you would like to submit your own made-up statistic, send it in to:
P.O. Box This Address Is Not Real
or call me at
or submit it as a comment on this blog.


10 Responses to “The Big List of Made-Up Statistics”

  1. Fire hurts said

    25% of Americans have held fire in there hands
    55% have eaten pie
    100% has been shot by Dick Cheney

  2. Tearsplitter said

    4% of all humans are mentally retarded.
    6% of all humans are smarter than average.
    90% of all humans of all humans actually believed this statistic to be true when presented with it.

  3. Tearsplitter said

    54.2% of all statistics are made up on the spot and made to look random but plausible.
    65.7% of everything else looks just plain stupid.
    .1% of the population of the world thinks that the author of “fire hurts” is a total dick….cheney

  4. Tearsplitter said

    100% of all world of warcraft equipment looks absolutely retarded on gnomes and draenai

  5. Tearsplitter said

    99.99999% of all Tearsplitters are better than you.
    .00001% of everyone else is Chuck Norris, and therefor better than Tearsplitter.

  6. Tearsplitter said

    five fourths of all people have problems with fractions.

  7. mtgap said

    100% of tearsplitters post too many times.

    0.23%: useful info such as Wikipedia (the correct ones)
    3.5%: info that looks useful but isn’t
    22.1%: video games
    23.08%: forums (18.2% of which is curse words, and 20% of which is spam)
    51.05%: porn

  8. kerry Foster said

    chuck norris PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    It overwhelms the trade channel, worse than Barrens Chat!!!!

    ; )

  9. 100% of people are stupid

  10. Kelly Dickens said

    4 out of 5 dentists surveyed recommended sugarless gum for their patients who chew gum. The other fifth recommended going to bed with a whole Marathon caramel bar jammed into your mouth.

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